True Love + Marriage

December 5, 2010 at 3:52 PM | Posted in Being Effective with Time, Celebrate This Life, Conscious Lifestyles Radio Show Blog, Finding and Keeping Love, Finding and Loving Your Passion in Life, Marriage, Self Love, Uncategorized, Values | Leave a comment
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“The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It’s a choice you make. Not just on your wedding day, but over and over again. And the choice reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife.”
— Barbara De Angelis

My interview with Angela Paul on November 29th on finding love, and having a happy marriage [or just having happy relationships in life] was a discussion that more people need to have…. honestly.

What do you look for in a partner? How do you know you have true love? Where do you find the right one?

The first person you need to be honest with and to evaluate is yourself. What were your past relationships like and is there a pattern in choosing the same “type” of person without realizing your self-sabotaging pattern?

My radio interview with Angela encompassed some big, ethereal subjects within the Marriage theme, but what I walked away with from this conversation is the following:

1.) Make a list of your Values
2.) What is your outlook on life? Write it down.
3.) What qualities are most important to you?
4.) What qualities do you have and what do you bring to a relationship?
5.) Are you willing to welcome a person who is different from yourself? What specifically would you NOT want? What differences would be interesting and even fun to have in your life?
6.) Spiritual Foundations are the strongest. What do you believe?
7.) Romance Ebbs and Flows in all good, long-term relationships. What steps will you take in this forthcoming relationship to be totally authentic, grounded, honest?

8.) What did you learn from your past mistakes and even the bad experiences?
9.) Are you seeking your personal best for your life? How do you treat service people and the person who makes your coffee at Starbucks? How do you treat animals, the elderly…. do you care about others and their well being? This is a keystone question. If you are respectful to others around you in your daily life, chances you are you are ready to have a good relationship.
10.) What were the role models you witnessed as a child? What was right or wrong with what you may have learned by watching/being subjected to as you developed into an adult? Recognize what you need to do an ‘about face’ with in your life…. this is so key to finding happiness within yourself first.

Another important point that Angela made was to NEVER settle! Don’t settle for the disrespectful, ‘wandering-eye’ Wimp who makes you feel far less than anybody should ever feel!

Denying yourself laughter, fun, and compatible companionship in life is like denying yourself from great food, beautiful flowers, sunsets, great movies…. you get the picture.

DON’T SETTLE for anyone who hurts you, no matter how trivial it may be downplayed…. the insults add up and will drag you down [and not to mention waste your time-- which you can never get back!]

There is OPPORTUNITY after every parting of the ways…. The same character in the Chinese language for “Danger” is “Opportunity.” Rather than being fearful of being alone, celebrate it and take advantage of this time in your life to get your priorities straight and to improve yourself…. There’s so much to look forward to when you see the opportunity in transition.

Learn from past mistakes. This cannot be repeated enough. Write down what you learned. There’s something incredible that happens when you write down your thoughts, and then take action.

When you do find your soul mate, don’t lose yourself in the relationship! Keep your own identity, individuality, outlook, personal legend.

Angela reminds us that you need time apart when you are in a marriage. This is healthy!

A few years ago, I studied overseas for a few months while my husband was in New York working and taking care of our home. It was a very pivotal time of growth for me…. I then went traveling to Scotland by myself during this time and had something to be grateful for when I returned home.

Time apart is good, and even necessary to a great relationship.

I am glad to have had the opportunity to talk about this very big topic with Angela. I will certainly have her back in the future to continue our on-air discussion… There is so much that I was reminded of when it comes to living with honor and designing the life that only I can navigate.

Love is one of life’s greatest gifts. I cherish it.

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